Starting this past Spring, I began really thinking about losing weight again. As a kid, my Mom tried off and on to get me to eat better and I even went to the gym with my Dad for a few weeks here and there in Middle School. I'm not going to make my life out to sound like I constantly yo-yo dieted or 'struggled' and yada yada. To be honest, up until the past year or two I just quietly accepted that I would be forever fat, doomed to be banished to the old lady floral patterns of JC Penney's or ill fitting stretchy pants from Walmart.
This all changed last Spring. I was a Sophomore living in a dorm which meant I was forced to have a meal plan and eat whatever food the school served up in the cafeteria. Most of the choices were pretty unhealthy, and almost everything tasted pretty bad. I decided that since I wasn't truly enjoying their dry burgers, half-warm pizza, and mushy pasta that I would cut back and focus on healthier alternatives. Like lots of other fatties, healthy to me means little, no, or funky flavored food. I never grew up appreciating salads or having well balanced meals so it's pretty difficult to try and savor these things after 21 years.
From March or April until August 2009 I began scaling back what I ate, avoiding my faves like Macaroni & Cheese, McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers & Nuggets, and focusing instead on eating smaller meals with more fruits, veggies, whole grains to stay full, and chugging waters like no tomorrow. By August 2009 I was down to a pants size 20 from a 22~24 range. Since I didn't want to obsess about the actual scale number, I really didn't do a starting and ending weight regiment but I estimate that I went from around 250 lbs down to 220 or a little less. Because I was eating so many veggies & salads at least once or twice a day and avoiding processed foods, I felt so much better - more awake during the day, less bloated after meals, and starting to 'see the light at the end of the fat tunnel' so to speak. However, when it was about time to move back to school to start my Junior year, I relapsed in a HUGE way and am now back to a size 24. Damn.
By now you may be wondering what's behind my newest kick into slimming down. It started again this Spring, when I was out clothes shopping for shorts. There was a time in high school after I had just discovered Torrid where I was happy enough with my limited choices and styles offered for plus size gals, but this year I must say I was tired of all this size discrimination crap. As much as I hate that I should have to change myself to get what I want at a decent price instead of getting something I sort of like at sky high prices, I don't hold out much hope that the fashion world will soon embrace us plus size gals. And even if they did, I feel like making fat really fashionable is kind of fucked up and just enables me to not lose weight and be intermittently unhappy about my size. I hate that I can't just go to the mall with my friends (who are all 'straight sizes') and shop for a cute dress or pass by a window display with an awesome Hello Kitty shirt that I'll never fit into and walk away depressed.
Beyond that, I got this really sweet Hello Kitty cruiser bicycle for my 21st birthday from my boyfriend, so I've been enjoying the rides with it thus far. I hate exercising and the gym is tantamount to torture, right behind the weigh-in at my doctor's office with the inevitable 'You should lose weight' talk. Like maybe if you tell me one more time it's gonna shame me into a less round shape. I also feel like, I've sort of done this before so why couldn't I do it again and make it stick?
In any case, that's the skinny on big ol' me and how I got from there to here. Writing is very therapeutic and in the past has helped me change character flaws so I'm hoping that it will be something to support me in the tough times. Physical evidence that I've done something to change and that I've gotten through the rough patches, as well as a way to remind me of what's worked food wise and etc. Personally, I don't believe in diets per se but in changing your lifestyle and eating habits so that in the long run I do lose weight but also feel better and learn to appreciate my body. Some people feel that you shouldn't have to lose weight to love yourself, but I feel like I'm not truly loving myself by packing on the pounds which can lead to all sorts of nasty mental & physical health issues. I don't want to ever be 'skinny', but I feel that if I can hold at around a size 14/16, I can have the freedom to shop almost everywhere I want to shop while reducing or eliminating the risks of getting diabetes, cancer, heart problems, and all that nastiness.
Here goes nothing, world :)
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